My Giveaway: I couldn't take the lies, the infidelity, the arguing, the fights, the poor money management, the fake portrayal of living large and having a great marriage any more! I knew that it (my marriage) was coming to an end when I agreed to go on a 7-day cruise to try and reconcile our differences after I was told that the affairs (both internet and physical) was over only to discover that his mind was still on her. The cruise was a complete disaster. I became paranoid of a single woman who accompanied us along with 3 other couples on the trip. I couldn’t get past why she was even there and I blamed my ex-husband’s family for inviting her. At this point, I’m completely insecure because I felt that anything could trigger my husband into forgetting why we were there in the first place. Not to mention that we had already paid for the trip and didn’t want to loose our money if we didn’t go. During the entire trip, we may have had one intimate moment and I believe it was because he was too intoxicated to even remember it. It was the second time we had taken a trip together like this and both were miserable! Now that I look back, I believe that the trips were miserable because I allowed them to be. I found any and everything to complain about because I didn’t feel attractive to my husband, I wouldn’t accept the fact that maybe he really wanted to reconcile our differences, I became jealous and didn’t trust this single unknown (by me) woman who was invited. I knew that my husband was distracted and felt that he was only able to tolerate my presence by drinking himself to a point where it just didn't matter! I believe I was a very unpleasant person to be around and I expected everyone to accept my jealous behavior because I was the one who felt betrayed to begin with.
Your Take-a-Way: How can we acknowledge an ugly habit if we don’t recognize that’s it’s ugly to begin with? We never want to be told that we have a problem because most of the time, we don’t believe it’s a problem. I thank God today that He placed people in my life who weren’t afraid to check me! (even if I was confronted in a painful and hurtful manner). Although we want to believe that we don’t have a problem, in order to overcome denying the problem, we have to come to realization that the problem is actually there. So, as you can see, the way to getting past the humiliation is recognizing that there is a problem and addressing it. Of course, you should never attempt to address any problem without first seeking God’s wisdom and direction. If you think that you can do this alone, please don’t! You end up covering up the problem on your own and you never see the progress of getting stronger which is why it took me almost 25 years to get it!
